I sat on our leather couch, laptop on lap, recounting the events of the day. My Facebook profile is up; and the curser flashes where I’m about to post something for the day. “My kids are amazing…” Nope. Delete. “I love my children!” Again. Delete. I found I could not lie anymore to my Facebook friends, because even though I do believe in my heart that my kids are amazing and I do truly love them, today… well, today… it would have been kinda, sorta… a lie.
Today is one of “those” days; when I am fighting everything within me not to throw my hands up in the air in defeat and crawl into the next deepest hole. I know I’ve said this a thousand times (mostly in my head)… but sometimes, everyday life can be wretchedly hard. (A bit dramatic… yes, I know. But sometimes, just how I feel.)
That’s a good word for it. Wretched. When your body feels as though there is no energy left to survive another unloading of the dishwasher. Those 4 minutes are torture! Meanwhile, all you can manage to do is throw up quick prayers for strength and understanding. Usually I am in physical pain when I am wrestling through things/sin/being hurt by others. (Psalm 32 is a comfort for me during those times.) And all this “wretchedness” because of an innocent social media outlet called Facebook (okay- maybe it’s not the only reason why I feel so wretched today… but its the biggest one at the moment.)
Oh, Facebook. How I love and hate you in the same moment. Is it just me- or can one person’s post throw another into a tailspin? One harmless innocent post can ruin another’s day. How do we tolerate social media?
I have a daily struggle with Facebook. I love that it keeps me up to date with my friends near and far. I love that it helps to bridge another communication level with our church. I love that it has helped our church grow. But…
Are we more than our Facebook statuses?
The posts that read, “I LOVE BEING A MOM!!!” make me wonder… is that woman even human? Is that real? (As in, loving being a mother every second of every day… in CAPS?) Does she ever fail at being a mom and wife? Does she realize that she probably is failing? Because I feel like I’m failing most days. I fail when I let my anger seep out at my 5 year old when he’s distracted by his Legos and doesn’t even lift his head to listen to me. I feel that failure when I lose track of time, and once again late to another appointment.
I admit: I have been that Mom… that only posts the pretty pictures where my boy’s clothes match, my house is clean and straightened, and my marriage is PERFECT. And then I realize… wait, Meg… that is such a lie. My kids rarely match their clothes when they pick them out themselves (and do I care anymore? Not really. They’re dressed, aren’t they?) My house… let’s just clarify something… WE LIVE HERE. And on top of that, I stay home and work… so you can imagine that my house gets seriously messy. (As of right now, there is a trail of Cheerios through my entire living room. Will I vacuum? Soon…)
After calling my own precious Mom last week, she excitedly told me about this book that she’d been reading… how it had changed her life (not like Jesus though- haha!) and she was sending it to me pronto. I had actually forgotten about this- and had in fact even forgotten the title… until it arrived today. I immediately opened it and stuck it in my purse to take with me to a doctor’s appointment. (Wouldn’t you know– I ended up waiting for 55 minutes to be shown to the room and spent it reading the book! Ahh!!! Moments.) The title is…drumroll please…. “Unglued” by Lisa TerKeurst. And… it pretty much knocked my socks off. As I read it, I kept thinking… wait- this is written by someone else? Because it totally sounds like me… About 10 minutes in I had a thought, “Why do we do this to ourselves?” Where is it in the “How to Be a Woman” manual does it say, “Here’s how to appear to be perfect all the time”? Is it our competitive nature? Our own perfectionism? Our clouded judgement of other women?
I was convicted. So as of today, I REFUSE to pick up my house in order to take a “perfect photo” for Facebook. I REFUSE to spend hours in the bathroom making sure my makeup is perfect, my kids’ outfits color-coordinate and their hair is combed to perfection in order to have a “candid” photo opportunity to post on Facebook. I will (with everything that is in me) try not to give others the appearance that my life is perfect. Because, it’s definitely not. I am human. And on top of that, I am an emotional, exhausted, (but pretty amazing dance party starter) mom who has no end in sight to the family’s laundry or the dustbunnies that find their way under my refrigerator.
I watched this video last night, and it convicted me. He states in the video,
“We edit and exaggerate. Crave adulation. We pretend not to notice the social isolation. We put our words into order until our lives are glistening. We don’t even know if anyone is listening….”
Here it is: